Fired colleague of UBS rogue trader Adoboli opens betting site

LONDON (Reuters) – A former senior trader at UBS, sacked for failing to prevent colleague Kweku Adoboli from perpetrating the biggest fraud in British history, has set up a gambling website.

In a decision likely to be seized upon by critics who say traders have often made casino-style bets, John Hughes started his gambling firm even though his website said his old job had “removed all sense of optimism from his character”.

Adoboli, his former subordinate now serving seven years in jail for running up losses of $ 2.3 billion, argued during his trial that his own behavior was the result of a risky trading culture encouraged by senior colleagues, and his lawyers alleged that Hughes had played a major role in “off-book” trading.

Hughes admitted he had known of Adoboli’s scheme to hide his giant losses and that he had booked several fictitious trades himself, but denied knowledge of some of Adoboli’s biggest multi-billion dollar trades.

Hughes said he had chosen to call his new gambling website ‘BetsofMates’, a play on the expression “Best of Mates”.

That may grate with Adoboli who complained that his colleagues, including Hughes, had “sold me down the river” after a meeting at which he said it was decided he alone would carry the can for the huge losses.

Hughes and the others said they had no memory of such a meeting.

“We’re not a standard bookie,” Hughes said of his new website, which enables users to play against each other in leagues, with each player placing bets of between two and 200 pounds.

“We facilitate competition. The emphasis is a lot more on competition than yield enhancement,” he told Reuters on Thursday.

The former senior trader on the Exchange Traded Funds desk at UBS in London said Adoboli’s conviction was “just incredibly sad”. He declined to comment further.

Despite a large salary and bonus, Adoboli was himself an avid gambler and lost 123,000 pounds ($ 200,000) on spread-betting in the year before his arrest.

One prosecutor accused him of being addicted to gambling to which Adoboli countered that spread-betting was common among City traders “like a taxi driver driving his own taxi home”.

Hughes’ profile on his new firm’s website says that “seven years in the City (had) removed all sense of optimism from his character, and made him absurdly superstitious.”

He told Reuters such feelings had arisen “sitting there watching the markets for seven years and watching different news hit the tapes and obviously the last seven years haven’t been the easiest in the financial markets.”

Britain’s Gambling Commission granted a license to his pool betting company ‘Bets of Mates Limited’, which is registered to an East London address, in September 2012, two months before Adoboli was convicted.

(Editing by Andrew Osborn)

Internet News Headlines – Yahoo! News

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Marc Anthony comes to aid of Dominican orphanage

SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic (AP) — Singer Marc Anthony is coming to the aid of an orphanage in the Dominican Republic.

A foundation run by Anthony with music and sports producer Henry Cardenas plans to build a new residence hall, classrooms and a baseball field for the Children of Christ orphanage in the eastern city of La Romana. Anthony attended the groundbreaking ceremony Friday with his model girlfriend Shannon de Lima.

Children of Christ Foundation Director Sonia Hane said Anthony visited the orphanage previously and decided to help. His Maestro Cares Foundation raised $200,000 for the expansion on land donated by a sugar company. The orphanage was founded in 1996 for children who were abused or abandoned or whose parents were unable to care for them.

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Stocks soar on Black Friday; tech leads the way

The stock market enjoyed some Black Friday cheer, rising sharply as shoppers braved the annual post-Thanksgiving rush. Major stock indexes closed one of their best weeks of the year.

Traders were encouraged by positive economic news from Germany and China, two engines of global growth. Technology stocks soared after a few weeks of selling. And early reports from retailers suggested strong consumer spending.

"Foot traffic appears heavier than we've seen in recent years, there are a lot of positive statements out of the companies themselves, and momentum appears to be strong," said JJ Kinahan, chief derivatives strategist at the brokerage TD Ameritrade.

Many stores opened earlier than ever this year, Kinahan said, allowing for earlier informal reports about their performance.

Technology stocks soared, lifting the Nasdaq composite index by more than 1 percent. Dell, chipmaker AMD and Hewlett-Packard were the top three gainers in the Standard & Poor's 500. Technology rose the most among the index's 10 industry groups.

The stocks were bouncing back after confidence in tech stocks declined broadly, Kinahan said. AMD dropped sharply in recent weeks as investors fretted about its solvency. HP plunged 12 percent on Tuesday after executives said that a company HP bought for $10 billion last year lied about its finances.

The Nasdaq ended up 40.30 points, or 1.4 percent, at 2,966.85. The Dow Jones industrial average gained 172.79, or 1.4 percent, to 13,009.69 -- the first time since election day that the Dow closed above 13,000.

The S&P 500 added 18.12, or 1.3 percent, to 1409.15. The rally gave the S&P 500 its biggest weekly point gain since last December -- 49 points, or 3.6 percent. The Dow gained 3.4 percent and the Nasdaq almost 4 percent for the week.

The market closed early, at 1 p.m. EST.

Stocks started strong after news that German business confidence rose unexpectedly in November after six straight declines. The gain in a closely watched index published by Munich's Ifo institute raised hopes that Europe's largest economy can continue to weather the continent's financial crisis.

China's manufacturing expanded for the first time in 13 months in November, the latest sign that the world's second-biggest economy is recovering from its deepest slump since the 2008 global crisis. HSBC Corp. said its monthly Purchasing Managers' Index improved to 50.4 for November. Any number above 50 indicates expansion.

The PMI measures overall manufacturing activity by surveying indicators including orders, employment and production. The result was released Thursday, when the U.S. market was closed for Thanksgiving.

Around the U.S., shoppers flocked to malls and logged on to computers to take part in the annual cheer-fueled retail rush known as Black Friday.

Target and Toys R Us welcomed buyers on Thanksgiving evening. Retailers are also trying to draw shoppers with free layaway and shipping, by matching prices of online rivals and by beefing up mobile shopping apps.

Retail is a key driver of the nation's economy. Consumer spending accounts for about 70 percent of U.S. economic activity. November and December, which can account for as much as 40 percent of a retailer's annual revenue, are crucial for stores.

The Friday after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday because it begins the period in which many retailers turn profitable for the year. Traders will be looking for signs about how enthusiastically Americans are spending. That could reflect the momentum of the economic recovery.

Wal-Mart rose $1.31, or 1.9 percent, to $70.20. Macy's gained 72 cents, or 1.8 percent, to $41.73.

Trading volume on Wall Street was light, with many investors away for an extended weekend after Thanksgiving. The rally's strength will be tested on Monday, as many traders return to their desks and retailers begin to release hard data about their holiday sales results, Kinahan said.

"It's great when something like this happens, but on a half-day without the major players in there, it's not so surprising," he said.

European indexes added to earlier gains after Wall Street opened and closed higher. The FTSE 100 index of leading British shares rose 0.5 percent. Germany's DAX and France's CAC-40 both added 0.9 percent.

Investors were monitoring developments in Brussels, where European Union leaders are trying to agree on a $1.25 trillion long-term spending plan for the 27-nation bloc. Markets expect that another meeting will be needed for an agreement.

Among the stocks making big moves:

-- MAP Pharmaceuticals spiked after the company announced that the Food and Drug Administration will review its experimental migraine drug Levadex. The stock rose $2.60, or 20.3 percent, to $15.42.

-- KIT Digital Inc., a video software and technology company, lost two-thirds of its value after the company's former chief executive accused it of blaming prior management for its financial problems. Two days earlier, KIT said it would restate its financial results because of accounting errors. The stock lost $1.33, or 64.3 percent, to 74 cents.

Among tech's big gainers:

-- Research in Motion Ltd. jumped on growing optimism for an earlier-than-expected launch of its delayed BlackBerry 10 smartphone. A senior executive from the Canadian company said earlier this month that Research In Motion, or RIM, will release the latest version of its smartphone "not long after" a Jan. 30 event. One analyst saw that as an indication that the products are to be unveiled in February. U.S.-traded shares of RIM rose $1.40, or 13.7 percent, to $11.66.

-- Dell rose 49 cents, or 5.4 percent, to $9.55.

-- HP added 50 cents, or 4.2 percent, to $12.44.

-- AMD rose 8 cents, or 4.3 percent, to $1.95.

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Gazans sweep up, head home as truce holds through first day

Members of the Attar family, Palestinians who were displaced during the eight-day conflict with Israel, return to their home in the Atatra area in the northern Gaza Strip on Thursday, a day after a cease-fire took hold. (Marco Longari / AFP/Getty Imagesa / November 22, 2012)

By Edmund Sanders

November 22, 2012, 10:14 a.m.

RAFAH, Gaza Strip – As the truce between Israel and Hamas appeared to be enduring through its first 24 hours, Gazans spent Thursday sweeping up, digging out and looking forward.

Hamas declared a public holiday, but most shops and many businesses opened their doors. Israeli warships were replaced on the horizon with Palestinian fishing boats for the first time in a week.

Having endured many conflicts, it’s a day-after drill Gazans know well. Residents who sought shelter in United Nations schools went home. A steady stream of families returning from Egypt arrived at the Rafah border crossing. Bulldozers tried to clear alternate roads around bombed-out bridges.

PHOTOS: Gaza conflict

Glass shop owner Kamal Habboush, 45, had seven walk-in customers by lunchtime to replace broken windows. Usually he’s lucky to have one.

But after 16 years in the business, he predicts the real rush won’t come for a few more days.

“People tend to wait to make sure the fighting is really over,’’ he said. “Just in case.”

TIMELINE: Israel-Gaza conflict

The eight-day conflict left at least 162 Palestinians and six Israelis dead. The Israeli military reported the sixth death Thursday, saying a soldier had died from injuries sustained in a rocket attack by Gazan militants, the Associated Press reported.

ALSO:

Gaza City's Mukhabarat building defies Israeli airstrikes

Israel-Hamas cease-fire gives each side enough to claim success

Judge questions former French leader Sarkozy in fundraising probe

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Lawsuit against Madonna dismissed in Russia

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia (AP) — A Russian court on Thursday dismissed a lawsuit that sought millions of dollars in damages from Madonna for allegedly traumatizing minors by speaking up for gay rights during a concert in St. Petersburg.

The ruling came after a one-day hearing that bordered on the farcical. During it, plaintiffs claimed that Madonna's so-called "propaganda of perversion" would negatively affect Russia's birthrate and erode the nation's defense capability by depriving the country of future soldiers. At one point, the judge threatened to expel journalists from the courtroom if they laughed too much.

In the end, the Moskovsky district court in St. Petersburg threw out the Trade Union of Russian Citizens' lawsuit and the 333 million rubles ($10.7 million) it sought from the singer for allegedly exposing youths to "homosexual propaganda."

Madonna did not attend the trial, and her publicist Liz Rosenberg said Thursday the star wouldn't comment about it.

Anti-gay sentiment is strong in Russia, particularly in St. Petersburg, where local legislators passed a law in February that made it illegal to promote homosexuality to minors. Six months later, Madonna criticized the law on Facebook, then stood up for gay rights during a concert in St. Petersburg that drew fans as young as 12.

"Who will children grow up to be if they hear about the equal rights of the lesbian lobby and manly love with traditional sexual relations?" one of the plaintiffs, Darya Dedova, testified Thursday. "The death rate prevails over the birth rate in the West; young guys are becoming gender neutral."

The plaintiffs submitted evidence about gay culture drawn from Wikipedia pages, claiming that a real encyclopedia could not have articles about homosexuality.

"We aren't against homosexual people, but we are against the propaganda of perversion among minors," Dedova told the court. "We want to defend the values of a traditional family, which are currently in crisis in this country. Madonna violated our laws and she should be punished."

Madonna, who performed in Moscow and St. Petersburg in August as part of her world tour, also angered Russian officials by supporting jailed members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot. The American said during her Moscow concert that she would "pray for them," then turned around so the audience could see the words "Pussy Riot" written on her back. The singer also donned a ski mask similar to those worn by Pussy Riot.

Despite international outrage, three of that band's members were sentenced to two years in jail on hooliganism charges for performing a "punk prayer" at Moscow's main cathedral, during which they pleaded with the Virgin Mary to deliver Russia from President Vladimir Putin. One of the Pussy Riot members was later released from jail on appeal, but the other two were sent to prison camps to serve their sentences.

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Seddon reported from Moscow.

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Recipes for Health: Apple Pear Strudel — Recipes for Health

Andrew Scrivani for The New York Times

This strudel is made with phyllo dough. When I tested it the first time, I found that I had enough filling for two strudels. Rather than cut the amount of filling, I increased the number of strudels to 2, as this is a dessert you can assemble and keep, unbaked, in the freezer.

Filling for 2 strudels:

1/2 pound mixed dried fruit, like raisins, currants, chopped dried figs, chopped dried apricots, dried cranberries

1 1/2 pounds apples (3 large) (I recommend Braeburns), peeled, cored and cut in 1/2-inch dice

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

2 tablespoons unsalted butter for cooking the apples

1/4 cup (50 grams) brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

1/4 cup (30 grams) chopped or slivered almonds

3/4 pound (1 large or 2 small) ripe but firm pears, peeled, cored and cut in 1/2-inch dice

For each strudel:

8 sheets phyllo dough

7/8 cup (100 grams) almond powder, divided

1 1/2 ounces butter, melted, for brushing the phyllo

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Line 2 sheet pans with parchment.

2. Place the dried fruit in a bowl and pour on hot or boiling water to cover. Let sit 5 minutes, and drain. Toss the apples with the lemon juice.

3. Heat a large, heavy frying pan over high heat and add 2 tablespoons butter. Wait until it becomes light brown and carefully add the apples and the sugar. Do not add the apples until the pan and the butter are hot enough, or they won’t sear properly and retain their juice. But be careful when you add them so that the hot butter doesn’t splatter. When the apples are brown on one side, add the vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and almonds, flip the apples and continue to sauté until golden brown, about 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in the pears and dried fruit, then scrape out onto one of the lined sheet pans and allow to cool completely. Divide into two equal portions (easiest to do this if you weigh it).

4. Place 8 sheets of phyllo dough on your work surface. Cover with a dish towel and place another, damp dish towel on top of the first towel. Place a sheet of parchment on your work surface horizontally, with the long edge close to you. Lay a sheet of phyllo dough on the parchment. Brush lightly with butter and top with the next sheet. Continue to layer all eight sheets, brushing each one with butter before topping with the next one.

5. Brush the top sheet of phyllo dough with butter. Sprinkle on half of the almond powder (50 grams). With the other half, create a line 3 inches from the base of the dough, leaving a 2 1/2-inch margin on the sides. Top this line with one portion of the fruit mixture. Fold the bottom edge of the phyllo up over the filling, then fold the ends over and roll up like a burrito. Using the parchment paper to help you, lift the strudel and place it on the other parchment-lined baking sheet. Brush with butter and make 3 or 4 slits on the diagonal along the length of the strudel. Repeat with the other sheets of phyllo to make a second strudel. If you are freezing one of them, double-wrap tightly in plastic.

6. Place the strudel in the oven and bake 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, brush again with butter, rotate the pan and return to the oven. Continue to bake for another 20 to 25 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for at least 15 minutes. Serve warm or room temperature.

Yield: 2 strudels, each serving 8

Advance preparation: The fruit filling will keep for a couple of days in the refrigerator. The strudel can be baked a few hours before serving it. Recrisp in a medium oven for 10 minutes. It can also be frozen before baking, double-wrapped in plastic. Transfer directly from the freezer to the oven and add 10 minutes to the baking time.

Nutritional information per serving: 259 calories; 13 grams fat; 4 grams saturated fat; 3 grams polyunsaturated fat; 5 grams monounsaturated fat; 15 milligrams cholesterol; 34 grams carbohydrates; 4 grams dietary fiber; 91 milligrams sodium; 4 grams protein

Martha Rose Shulman is the author of “The Very Best of Recipes for Health.”

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Jesse Jackson Jr. resigns from Congress

Rep. Jesse Jackson resigned from Congress Wednesday, months after going on medical leave for treatment of bipolar depression.

A spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner says the office received a letter of resignation from Jackson but would not release any details.

Earlier, Jackson's brother Jonathan Jackson told the Chicago Tribune that he was going to resign "momentarily."

The congressman could not be reached.

News of the resignation on the eve of Thanksgiving, when Congress was not meeting and many Washingtonians were traveling, seemed to take even Jackson staffers by surprise.
 
His press secretary, Frank Watkins, said Wednesday morning that he didn’t know anything about a possible resignation. Watkins attributed the rumors to press speculation.
 
Watkins said that, late Tuesday afternoon when he left a movie, he learned from another staffer that Jackson had been planning a conference call with his staff. The call was to be held Wednesday but was canceled and did not take place, according to Watkins, who said he is on vacation.

Watkins refused to name the staffer who alerted him to the conference call.

Jackson, 47, a South Side Democrat, has been treated for bipolar depression and has been on a medical leave from Congress since June. He has been under investigation by federal authorities for alleged misuse of campaign dollars and also has faced a congressional ethics probe.

Although he did not wage a campaign, Jackson won re-election on Nov. 6 to another two-year term in the House by defeating a Republican and independent challenger. Under Illinois law, Gov. Pat Quinn, a fellow Democrat, would call a special election to fill Jackson’s 2nd District congressional seat, which extends from Chicago’s South Side to Kankakee.

He is the son of the Rev. Jesse Jackson, the civil rights leader, and the husband of Chicago Ald. Sandi Jackson, 7th.

Rep. Jackson has been under investigation by the House Ethics Committee for alleged improprieties related to his bid to win appointment in 2008 to the Senate seat that had been held by President Barack Obama. A Jackson emissary is alleged to have offered to raise up to $6 million in campaign funds for disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich in exchange for the governor appointing Jackson to the Senate seat.

Blagojevich is serving a prison term for corruption convictions including trying to sell or trade the Senate seat.

After the March primary election, the congressman’s aides belatedly announced his medical leave, which at first was blamed on “exhaustion.”

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New York Athletes Use Twitter to Gain Cult Hero Status

If you’re one of the over 20.6 million Americans who has a Twitter account, chances are you’ve stumbled across the official SoccerGirlProblems Twitter handle, @SoccerGrlProbs, at least once while using the popular social media networking site.

SoccerGirlProblems, a feed spawned by three New York-based athletes, is a Twitter handle dedicated to the true-life outrageous complaints about everyday life as a high school or college soccer player.

The simple concept was started as a joke, but it has grown to startling dimensions.

SoccerGirlProblems has over 148,000 Twitter followers, and its explosive popularity led to the creation of a spinoff blog, a well-known YouTube account, a custom-made T-shirt business, and an official website.

Since opening in the beginning of 2012, the SoccerGirlProblems YouTube account has racked up over 3.2 million video views, and T-shirts have been selling like hotcakes. The SoccerGirlProblems Twitter page is also busier than ever, as it gained 50,000 new followers between May and November.

Punch #SGP or #SoccerGrlProbs into the Twitter search box on any given day, and you’ll immediately get a slew of hilarious tweets like “Took a long, hard stare at a pair of jeans this morning…Almost felt bad for neglecting them for so long. SWEATS IT IS,” along with other comedic gems like “family dreads thanksgiving if…i’m not on their team for flag football. Come on people what’s wrong with a little ‘friendly’ competition??”

With the SoccerGirlProblems brand finding so much success, one would expect the girls behind it to be household names by now, much like other Twitter/YouTube personalities like Jenna Marbles and Tay Zonday.

In fact, the founders of SoccerGirlProblems were afraid to reveal their identities until recently, as they feared retribution from conservative school administrators at their current school, Fairfield University.

The SoccerGirlProblems ladies believed that school officials from Fairfield would possibly find some of their hilarious tweets to be offensive or inappropriate. The founders did not want their tweets to bring negative exposure to their current or former schools.

It took over a year for the SoccerGirlProblems girls to reveal their identities publicly, but two of the three founders finally decided it was time to come out and detail how they became cult heroes via Twitter.

Carly Beyar, a South Hempstead, New York, resident and graduate of South Side High School in Rockville Centre, New York, along with Alanna Locast of Wantagh, New York, revealed that they are among the core group of tweeters handling the SoccerGirlProblems Twitter and YouTube accounts.

Locast, a graduate of Long Island’s Seaford High School, was an attacking offensive option for Fairfield until her graduation in 2011, while Beyar is still playing for the Fairfield Stags.

“It is still a shock to us that all of these girls relate to what we are saying,” Beyar said of her dedicated legion of Twitter followers in an exclusive online interview in May. “The soccer world is evidently a small one. It is comforting to know that we are not the only women soccer players out there dealing with these problems every day. Also, don’t get us wrong, we love soccer and will do anything for it; sometimes you just need to complain to keep you sane. ‘With training comes complaining.’”

Beyar and Locast, both standout high school soccer players on Long Island, think they can take SoccerGirlProblems to new heights due to the power of online marketing.

“I think it is easy to relate to our tweets when we are sarcastic and humorous,” Beyar said. “We try to take bothersome problems every day and turn it into something to just sit back and laugh about. We appreciate all of the support that our fans have given us since August. They are the best fans any Twitter account can ask for. Originally, we made this Twitter account for fun. We wanted to make it a team-based thing where everyone would tweet a problem from our team to get a laugh out of it. Little did we know how powerful the Web can be.”

Eric Holden covered the South Side Lady Cyclones girls’ soccer team in the 2010-11 season and has reported on Long Island soccer events since 2009. Follow him on Twitter @ericholden.

Social Media News Headlines – Yahoo! News

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Justin Bieber won't face charge for May encounter

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Prosecutors decided not to file any charges against Justin Bieber after investigators found no evidence that the pop star had kicked and punched a photographer after leaving a movie theater last month, a document obtained Wednesday states.

Prosecutors had been asked by police to consider filing a misdemeanor battery charge against Bieber, but Los Angeles County sheriff's investigators found no visible injuries, video or photographs to confirm the allegations by the photographer.

Bieber, 18, was leaving the theater in suburban Calabasas with girlfriend Selena Gomez on May 27 when he had the encounter in a parking lot.

A doctor found only superficial injuries, and deputies observed no injuries on the man after the incident, the document states.

Authorities interviewed several witnesses but none reported seeing Bieber kick the man, and they noted that the photographer kept taking photos as the two singers left the location, according to the charge evaluation worksheet prepared by the district attorney's office.

"All the photos and video taken during this incident by the many photographers were obtained and reviewed," the document states. "There are no photos of a physical altercation."

The case was rejected on Oct. 22 and first reported Wednesday by celebrity website TMZ.

___

Anthony McCartney can be reached at http://twitter.com/mccartneyAP

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The New Old Age Blog: Patience, Consciousness and White Lies

My wife and I are blessed with having three “semi-independent” parents in their mid-80s living within a few blocks of us. Our children grew up knowing their grandparents as integral parts of our nuclear family, within walking distance for most of their childhoods. But now that our nest is empty, we find ourselves reliving many of the parenting issues we faced when our children were little — now in geriatric versions, at close range. As it turns out, parenting was good practice for the issues we face with our own parents.

What exactly does semi-independence mean as applied to elderly parents? Among our three, we have two canes, five walkers, one wheelchair (for long walks), four artificial joints, a pacemaker, four hearing aids and a knee brace. The list of medical conditions is long, and the list of medications even longer, requiring different color pill box organizers for morning, afternoon and evening.

Our parents all live in the same homes they have been in for many years. Keeping them safe and healthy there, as well as when they leave the house, has become a big part of our day-to-day work these days. Therein the yin and yang of parenting has returned — independence versus helicoptering.

Children’s yearning for independence begins in toddlerhood: “I can do it myself!” It escalates through childhood, accelerates with the driver’s license, and crescendos, with pomp and circumstance, at high school graduation.

The urge for independence is seen in all animal species, but relinquishing independence and accepting assistance in old age is unique to humans. For most elderly, it comes with a struggle, reflecting how hardwired our brains are for independence. The thought of getting in-home help is antithetical to our parents’ sense of self worth, exceeded only by the dread of leaving their homes for assisted living facilities. So, as tasks that were once mundane and automatic have become onerous and stressful for them, we attempt to foster autonomy while protecting them from harm, as we did with our children just a few short years ago.

Childproofing – Our home has again become hazardous, as have theirs. Furniture must be rearranged, booster seats placed on chairs to ease standing up, slippery rugs removed, lighting improved, bathrooms accessorized with handles and rails.

Dressing – Body shapes change in childhood and in old age. Our parents’ wardrobes, like those of our children’s before them, need frequent attention to preserve self-esteem. Their unwillingness to part with old clothes turns us into tailors. And, once again, we shop for slip-on sneakers with Velcro ties.

Driving – For our teens, driving was the symbolic liberation from childhood to young adulthood. For our parents, driving is the symbolic resistance to infirmity and old age. Our attempt to wean them from their cars, in precisely the reverse order we used to phase our teens into driving, has been torture for our parents and for us.

Toys – We have filled our parents’ shelves with new toys to help them with everything from opening cartons of milk (I would like a word with whoever designed those plastic pull loops) and zipping their clothes, to opening jars and removing the protective seals from over-the-counter medicines. A “picker-upper” device helps them avoid bending too low, and a key turner gives them leverage to open their door. Large digital clock faces, easy-to-read telephone keypads, and magnifying glasses keep them in touch with the world, and an e-mail printer keeps them in touch with their grandchildren.

Medicating – Filling those plastic pill box organizers with a week’s worth of medicines has become a personal barometer of competence for our parents, yet, as with our children when they were young, we feel compelled to oversee the dosing.

Mobility – Despite numerous falls, it was only with much teeth gnashing (or denture gnashing, as the case may be) that our mothers consented to use canes; more gnashing when canes gave way to walkers. For long walks, we hide the wheelchair half way there and back so the neighbors don’t see.

The more we do for our parents, the more frail and guilty they feel. Our efforts are sometimes resented. Helping them get in and out of the car, or bracing them under the arm as they negotiate a bumpy sidewalk, can be an affront. “I can do it myself!”

Can I ride my bike to tennis practice if I’m really careful crossing Holly Street? Why can’t I take a cab home from the seniors program at the community center? Can I walk to grandma’s by myself this time? Can I take the bus to the supermarket today? Everyone is hanging out at the park after school, can I go? I’ll just walk down the block to the neighbor’s house this afternoon, O.K.?

What wisdom did we gain the first time around to help us now? Patience, consciousness and white lies.

Patience to wait for them to come to the same conclusions we did. Mom, do you think Rosalind would have fallen and broken both wrists if she had been using a walker?

Consciousness about their need for independence as ballast to our need for their well-being. Why don’t you just let us drive you at night for now?

And white lies: I’m going to the supermarket anyway, we can shop together.

The longer we can protect our parents from harm, the more we can share our lives with them and the more joy they can have from their grandchildren. The trick is doing it without hurting them in other ways.

We have been through this before. It was worth it then, and it is worth it now.

Dr. Harley A. Rotbart is professor and vice chairman of pediatrics at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and the author of “No Regrets Parenting.”

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